I’m Glad I Never Joined Greek Life
And before someone tries to say something corny like "yOU'rE jUsT MaD YOu diDN't gET piCkED" Please stop. PLEASE. Thank you.
I’m glad I never joined a Greek letter organization. Not because I “didn’t get picked" or because I’m anti-fun. I’m glad I never joined because I value my individuality and I was never built for institutions that require submission, humiliation, or anyone putting hands on my body as an entry fee. Kindly miss me with all that nonsense.
If an organization needs to physically handle you, degrade you, or “break you down” so you can “earn” belonging, that’s not community. That’s weird and it's compliance training in cute branding.
I said what I said.
What I Saw Behind the Scenes
I saw a small snippet of this in college. My old roommate was pledging and her phone would go off at ridiculous hours, back to back, with calls that weren’t emergencies, just demands. Weird little tasks. Random instructions. A constant reminder that someone else got to control her time whenever they felt like it. I’d hear it, silently shake my head, and go right back to sleep.
Then there were the stories from former friends who’d already been through it. They’d laugh while describing things that weren’t funny, like laughter was the only way to make it feel normal. I’d hear things like “we can't break the line,” “don’t ask questions,” “just do what you’re told” and then I’d see the bruises. That was the moment it clicked that this wasn’t simply about sisterhood or brotherhood, or “earning it.” It was about a system where control is the bonding activity.
The Sales Pitch
Greek life gets sold with the same 3 words over and over: networking, sisterhood or brotherhood, service. All 3 are real needs, HOWEVER! None of them require coercion, secrecy, or a process where someone tests your pain tolerance and calls it "tradition".
Now I know Greek life isn’t one monolith. There are chapters that operate like actual adults and genuinely do good work. Some people find real friendships, mentorship, and structure through it. I’m not arguing that every Greek-letter organization is inherently toxic. I’m saying that when I sit back and run the pros and cons for myself, I’m good. I’ll pass. The upside is real for some people. The downside is 1,000% unacceptable for me.
The Reality of Hazing
Most people only pay attention when someone dies. Death makes everything undeniable, so suddenly everyone has a statement, a vigil, and a policy update. The problem is that death is the extreme outcome, not the only outcome, and not the only harm.
A lot of people who experience hazing don’t report it. A lot of people don’t even label what happened to them as hazing in the moment. That’s the loophole. If you can convince someone the harm “doesn’t count,” you can keep repeating it and calling it bonding.
The Case That Brought This Back To Mind
This is what triggered my latest wave of “thank God I never did that.” Southern University student Caleb Wilson, 20, died after an alleged hazing drill tied to Omega Psi Phi Fraternity, Incorporated. According to the reporting and incident summaries circulating in the public record, the allegations involve physical blows during a pledge activity, a collapse, and a death. Charges and disciplinary actions followed.
This isn't an attack on one specific group; it’s a reminder of the core problem. When a group thinks they have the right to test your worth by hurting you, people get hurt. Sometimes they die. The system itself is the problem.
Let’s Audit the "Networking" Claim
People talk about networking like it justifies the "tax" you pay to get in. But the reality is a mixed bag. Some research shows that joining a fraternity might lead to a higher income later in life, but it also usually leads to a drop in grades while you're in school.
Even that income boost is debatable. Many researchers found that this benefit often disappears when you look at who is joining. Wealthy students with existing family connections are more likely to join these groups. So what looks like an "advantage" is often just a rich kid advantage showing up under a different name.
The Role of Alcohol
This is where the cost stops being a theory and becomes a medical reality. In many fraternities, drinking isn’t just a social choice—it's a requirement used to test your loyalty.
A national longitudinal study published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine found that by age 35, 45% of men who lived in fraternity houses showed signs of Alcohol Use Disorder. This means for almost half of these members, their relationship with alcohol moved into a dangerous, clinical zone. It wasn't just "partying in college". Their odds of developing this disorder were significantly higher than students who never joined, even when researchers accounted for other factors.
This is why I don't accept the "kids being kids" narrative. Forced drinking is the leading cause of hazing deaths, and the numbers are absolutely horrific. We're not talking about someone having too many beers. We're talking about lethal amounts of poison.
Maxwell Gruver died after being forced to drink 190-proof liquor. His blood alcohol level (BAC) was .495, which is more than 6x the legal driving limit.
Andrew Coffey died after a ritual involving a "family bottle" of bourbon with a BAC of .447.
George Desdunes died with a BAC of .409 following a ritual where he was bound and forced to drink for answering questions wrong.
Those aren't "party" numbers. That's the level where the human body experiences fatal respiratory depression. This means your brain stops telling your lungs to breathe and your systems simply shut down.
The Hit to Your Education
Grades often take a hit for a very simple reason: pledging steals your time and your sleep. If you're exhausted, stressed, and always on call for someone else, your schoolwork will eventually suffer. Data shows that grades usually drop the most during the pledging semester. Some people argue that the social connection keeps people from dropping out of school entirely, but that’s the deal you're making: you might stay in school, but your actual learning and focus are being sacrificed.
If someone wants to join anyway, that’s fine. People choose risks every day. But I won't respect the idea that the risk doesn't exist, or that refusing that risk is somehow an insult.
The Belonging Audit
Before you join any group that promises community, ask yourself these questions:
What do they require before they actually respect you?
What happens if you say "no"?
Do they demand secrets or use phrases like "keep it in the family"?
Is humiliation treated like a joke?
Do they want you to think for yourself, or just follow the leader?
Can you leave whenever you want without being harassed?
Healthy communities don’t need to break you to keep you.
Better Ways to Connect
If you want networking and service, you can get them without the entry fee. You can build a massive network through:
Professional associations and alumni groups
Volunteer boards and service organizations
Skills-based clubs that care about what you can do, not how much you can endure
Hosting your own meetups or joining industry groups
None of this requires losing sleep, forced drinking, or letting someone else control your body.
Why People Get Mad
Some people will read this and feel attacked. Hit dogs will holler. What can I say?
That reaction usually proves the point. If a community is healthy, it doesn't feel threatened when someone critiques it or decides that the "process" isn't for them. In the less than healthy communities, if you decide to walk away during pledging, or if you point out the flaws from the outside, it’s often treated like a betrayal or a personal insult.
"You're just bitter" is a lot easier to say than "I let people treat me poorly and called it tradition." Choosing not to join isn't about being better than anyone else—it's just a simple decision about what kind of risk is worth the reward.